Marcia at Poggenpohl
Marcia Sherrill
Kitchen Confidential
Our Design Diva on makeover meltdowns, ‘new age’ appliances, and pre-invasion tactics.
BY
Marcia Sherrill
PHOTOGRAPHY
Steve Pomberg

If you are like me and use the kitchen as a staging area for faux-cooking, perhaps your New Year’s resolutions should focus on hiring a private chef, ordering the NutriSystem you have been avoiding, and cleaning out the stash you have been storing in the oven, such as the baby’s first four years of smocked dresses.

Get that kitchen in marching order in case someone with some real cooking chops comes over to make your loved ones a much-deserved home-cooked meal!

Having just finished two kitchen remodeling projects, I am almost bound for the psych ward, so let me spare you the costs in psychopharmacological meds and offer five pre-invasion tactics that will help you avoid battle fatigue and ultimate defeat. 

1. PLAN AHEAD. Having joined the brouhaha one too many times mid-job where everyone is in tears and litigation, follow the golden rule of kitchen remodeling: plan it out. Rip out every magazine picture you can and start your own book of swipes. Imagine your dream kitchen and then make some kitchen magic! Too many people get fixated on just one aspect of their kitchen—say the oven or the sink—and then before you can say “Sub-Zero,” they are down to the sub-floor. Do not change one drawer pull without thinking exactly how much you hate your kitchen. If you are seriously unhappy, do not do things piecemeal. Call a kitchen professional, a designer, a general contractor, anyone!

2. GET CREATIVE WITH YOUR BUDGET. Don’t scrimp on some things just to get the prefect dishwasher because you will later regret it. Your down-market backsplash will become the thing of nightmares. Every time you go in your kitchen, those inferior tiles will stick out like a sore thumb. So make a budget and stick to it. If you come up short of your dreams, get creative. Looking for 18th-century Portuguese tiles from New York’s Solar Tiles but can’t bring yourself to part with your first-born? Substitute something offbeat like old planking or floor tile that has attitude, or marble from the countertop fabricators done in a mosaic. If that fails, there are always scrapyards, antique shops, auctions, and garage sales.

3. RESEARCH YOUR PRODUCTS—AND YOUR PROFESSIONALS. It is imperative that you visit the showrooms, but even more importantly, try and see the things you are buying like fancy-shmancy new age dishwashers at work. Nothing is worse than a product that looks good but cannot pull its weight. You may love the idea of refrigerator drawers, but are they cool enough for what you plan to store? Or might they be temptingly low for toddlers intent on cryogenic experiments with Barbie? Simple things like doing a mock-up or template of the faucet placement will spare you later agony. Doing your own sub-contracting? Get a minimum of five referrals from non-family members and/or fellow parolees. Better yet, get professional recommendations.

4. CREATE A PAPER TRAIL. This is a paper-leery crowd, and I can say that because my father was a contractor at one point in his varied career, but get a ream and get ready. You need to have as many schedules and punch lists as possible, especially if you are going it alone. As a rule of thumb—and to spare yourself a makeover meltdown—just figure everything takes twice as long and costs at least 25 percent more; trust me, there is wiring that must be moved and plumbing that isn’t code and floors that need reinforcing. You are in for some surprises when renovating, so just take ’em as they come. These are the rules of engagement.

5. DETAILS, DETAILS. Be practical. Don’t go all “decoratory” like painting your floors in a glossy white when you have a pack of small dogs and four children underfoot. Be careful about window treatments. There is fire here and heat aplenty, not to mention the pervasive misting of bacon fat on all surfaces. That said, this is an opportunity to use all the little decorator flourishes that give a kitchen that “ready-for-my-close-up” star quality. Drawer pulls, knobs and switch plates can be bought in nickel and brass. Water faucets that look like the $5,000 ones from Sherle Wagner and P. E. Guerin can be found used on eBay. Cabinets of mediocre-quality wood can be painted, faux-finished and gussied-up with fabulous knobs. An Oriental rug adds instant glamour. Marble—or better yet, onyx—used sparingly imparts luxurious tones.